Second Chances
by nicol-leoraine
Summary: Life is a battle, especially for one Danny Messer.


_**A/N:** This is my first foray into CSI:NY. The fic was written for tvnetwork1_las, the prompt here was: **"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." **Seneca _

_**Beta-reader:** Tania  
_

**Second Chances**

Three times, Danny Messer ended up in a situation where he wasn't sure if life was really worth fighting for. The fourth time Danny faced the prospect of death, he had no more doubts.

The first time Danny truly faced death, he was underground, chasing a suspect. He was injured and there were innocent people around. Shots had already been fired, so when Danny saw the chance and the gun peeking from behind the column, he pulled the trigger. His heart pumped adrenaline through his body, allowing him to reach the fallen suspect. Only when Danny knelt down and checked the man before him, did his heart skip a beat. For a second everything stopped, all sound around ceased to exist and Danny couldn't breathe. The man laying there wasn't the man he was chasing. There were a million thoughts running through his head, but only one prevailed. 'Did I make a mistake?'

It didn't help when Mac told him to leave, to get checked out and wait, handing him a card from a lawyer. Danny didn't do waiting well. It was hell, seeing that strange doubting look in Mac's eyes. Danny obeyed, for a while. He trusted Mac, wanted to believe that he had his six, but as the time passed and there were no good news, Danny started doubting Mac, and worse, he started doubting himself. Did he really make a fatal mistake? Did he really take an innocent life? Those thoughts were driving him crazy and he wasn't sure how he would cope if Minhas was really just an innocent bystander in the cause.

Unnerved and ready to panic, Danny made his second mistake. He went against Mac's orders, breaking his trust. When the shooting sorted itself out, showing that things weren't as simple as they seemed and there were more people to blame, the damage to the trust between two men was already done. The following months were hard for Danny and several times he doubted if it was all worth it, all the fighting. But there was a moment when he realised there were worse things on earth than broken trust.

Like the body of a small boy lying on the cold slab in the morgue. The boy, who Danny took out to christen his bike. The boy who was alive and happy just a few hours ago. Before the shooting at the shop, before Danny sent him home, alone. Supposedly out of harm's way, but in truth towards a lonely death in an alley. With that boy, part of Danny died too. Another part was lost in guilt and self-incrimination. Finding solace in an affair with the woman who lost the child, Danny almost sacrificed his own future. The only thing keeping him alive those days was the fact that Ruben's mother didn't blame him. He put plenty of blame on himself as it was.

When Danny's life finally seemed to settle, having a wife and a wonderful baby girl, there came the third hit. Literally. Lying on the floor of the restaurant, bleeding from a gunshot wound, Danny thought it was all over. Realising he couldn't move, well, in that moment he wished it was over. Only the face of his wife leaning over him, the love in her eyes and the whisper of their daughter's name ringing in his ears stopped him from giving up. He fought the blood loss, fought the pain and the strange numbness and God, he never thought a person could feel numb and be in horrible pain all at the same time. When the ambulance arrived, he welcomed the darkness that came over him.

Waking up in the hospital wasn't fun. Hearing the doctor say he might be paralysed for the rest of his life... that was hell. Seeing his daughter and thinking he would never be able to put her on his shoulders and run with her squealing with laughter, he would've given up. But thinking about death, about all he survived and how far he came, Danny decided to fight. There was a chance he would walk, and if not, he still had his family. While it was a hard and long road to recovery, Danny passed it with the support of his friends.

It was the fourth time, when the thought of giving up didn't even occur to him. Standing up, on the top of the lighthouse, facing a gun and a crazy psychopath, he was sure life, however hard and painful, was worth fighting for.

So he fought.


End file.
